I Didn’t Vote For Donald Trump

I am a conservative Christian who did not vote for Donald Trump. However, he ran away with this election, so he is now my president. As I believe God is in control, I believe He predestined these results even though I felt different convictions. For that reason I will pray for him. I will do my best to honor the position he has been placed in.

Please know that I don’t write any of this to sway your political opinions or infer you are unintelligent if you voted differently than me. I live in a democracy, and I am really grateful for that. America told us what they want, and even though I don’t agree, I will respect the decision and pray for its success. You’re allowed to vote however you want, and I’m really glad you can! You’re allowed to choose to not read this, though it would mean a lot if you did. I’m only writing this stuff because it’s a blog where I process my feelings, and maybe by putting my voice into words, it will be heard.

I don’t feel it necessary to explain all of the reasons why I didn’t vote for Donald Trump, but I do feel like it’s important that I talk about some of it. This platform of mine is a space where we come to process trauma. My hope has always been to create a space where people feel safe, heard, and understood. I do feel that those things are relevant to the presidential election conversation.

For some reason the idea of talking to my therapist about the election results was something I felt I should be ashamed of, personally. I never pictured myself as the person who would need emotional support through a political season. “You shouldn’t be feeling so many strong feelings about this,” I kept telling myself.

But I definitely spent my entire counseling session this week processing my thoughts and feelings surrounding this election and nothing else.

I voted for Kamala, but it didn’t feel good. I left the polls feeling icky and sad. She doesn’t represent me, and I don’t agree with her policies or agenda, mostly. However, I couldn’t, with my convictions, vote a different direction.

I know you already have thoughts. I know you already have opinions, probably no matter what way you voted. But especially if you have never experienced trauma, specifically trauma induced by men, please just hear me out. Please listen to my perspective. I can’t speak for all women, or even all hurt women. I only know my story, and I know that what I feel surrounding the decision made on Election Day, is valid. If you have experienced trauma like that, I want this to be a space where you feel validated.

To be clear, I’m not worried about Donald Trump sexually assaulting me. I’m not worried about him keeping me from having an abortion. I am worried about what his voice represents. I’m worried about how it affects our nation’s understanding and feelings about women. I hurt for the women, like myself, that didn’t think it’d be possible for America to look past the sexual assaults and felony convictions. I didn’t think it’d be possible to look so far past that, past the way he views and treats women’s bodies, that not only did he become the Republican nominee and win the presidential race, but he won by a LOT. I respect that America wants change, but why was this the guy?

The president is supposed to be a figure head that stands for the freedom and protection of our country. How can I trust him to do that, when he can’t be trusted to do that for the people around him? I don’t feel comforted by him. I don’t feel protected. I feel like another man got away with sexually assaulting women, violating women, and hanging out with Jeffery Epstein, and we didn’t punish him, we elevated him. It seems as though we just ignored it for the sake of moving our economy in another direction. I couldn’t ignore it. I still won’t.

This is about more than gas prices. I understand that sometimes people are falsely accused of terrible things, but he was considered liable by a jury for at least one sexual assault. He has been accused of countless others.

I don’t like Kamala Harris. I didn’t like Joe Biden. I want to vote conservatively. I just cannot support Donald Trump. I can’t get behind someone I wouldn’t trust in a room alone with my niece and nephew.

Abortion rights aside, how did we get here? Right to Life aside, I would still feel this way about his character. I would still fear for what his character is teaching our young boys and girls about boundaries, kindness, and respect. This could even be a different conversation if he apologized for or owned up to any of the allegations! I believe in grace and second chances.

Women, who 1/4 have been sexually assaulted by age 18 in the US, now know he’s in charge, and he’s now got some say over laws associated with our bodies and what we choose to do with them. Regardless of how I feel about abortion, knowing that power is in the hands of a very influential man who has not demonstrated respect for women and their bodies is frightening. I understand that the abortion rights debate is about human life, and I do believe that all babies were created with purpose before they were born. I don’t like or agree with abortion, but I also don’t like men deciding what’s done about it.

My body is mine. I have been in situations where that truth was taken advantage of and used against me by a man. I hope that the connection between that and now knowing that the president of our country has been convicted of sexual crimes is understandably troubling to me. It does hurt. It does feel like the voices of sexually traumatized women weren’t heard this time around, even though I do not agree with abortion being an option. This has so much more to do with the way he talks about and to other women. Maybe that sounds dramatic, but it’s just true to what I feel. I promise I’m not looking to offend.

Donald Trump is going to be inaugurated in January, and I can’t change that. And just like my therapist challenged me, I’m going to challenge you. Whether you are feeling hopeless after these results, or you are rejoicing with tears, the only way we can truly begin to affect change is through the kindness and love we share with our small corner of the world. I’ve seen God use me to affect change before, and I believe He will again. I believe the love I offer to others really can change my city, and as a result, the world.

What our world, what Americans on every space of the political spectrum, needs is love. The only way any of this gets better is if we listen to one another, if we show compassion. I’m not mad at Trump supporters, and I don’t want to be. There are just elements of all of this that feel uncomfortable, and I don’t like that. Maybe if we all take charge with fierce and unrelenting kindness and open mindedness, we might see progress some day. God being in control gives me a lot of hope. Knowing there are people in my community working for the betterment of its people, gives me hope.

So that’s my focus. That’s my hope. God is still on the throne. I can still choose to love. That’s my heart. I refuse to sit in the sadness and fear longer than I should because I have a life to live and a calling to fulfill, but I know I need to feel and process in order to do those things well. The president doesn’t affect my daily life if I don’t let him. So I’ll just be over here, loving people and focusing on God as best as I can!

America is a mess, but so am I. And with that, we keep trudging onward.

You are truly and deeply loved

No matter who you voted for.

Tomorrow is a new day.