I caught myself in a moment of gratitude, last Saturday as I left my Sister’s house while big fat tears rolled off my cheeks and ricocheted off my rain jacket. My heart felt so deeply sad, but my soul kept hearing the words, “How blessed you are to have someone to miss so much.”
Two weeks ago on Wednesday, my beautiful baby sister gave birth to her second baby. At 3:21am on October 9th, a perfect, healthy 7lbs 13oz baby boy joined us here in the world. Hearing that really loud, strong cry that proved he had big strong lungs, changed all of our worlds.
I spent the next several days, caring for my sister, her husband, the new baby, and I spent the most time with my almost 2 year old niece. She is shining in all her bouncing toddler glory right now. She is loud, proud, and full of words. She will always have this special space carved out in my heart because she is the one who made me an auntie for the first time. Being able to spend so much one on one time with her last week was so precious. That girl and I have a bond that is unbreakable.
Freyja’s favorite food right now is probably split evenly between, “Poot Nacks” (Fruit Snacks) and “Wapple” (Waffles). Those are two things she asks for everyday. My name has evolved from “Lala”, to “Keela” to “Kayda” now over the last year. She LOVES Frozen. I have never known a 2 year old to sit through an entire movie, but her brilliant little mind knows where the end is, and she gets mad if we stop before then. Each scene still makes her gasp in awe though.
Her love for frozen is very comparable to her love for dinosaurs, monkeys, penguins, and singing all kinds of music. She even has a few different dances that she knows and really loves showing off for her grandparents or really anyone that will watch. She loves nuggles with her Auntie before bed and naptime, and I love the way she says the word, “Cawkey” (Coffee). We spend a lot of time giggling together, usually while we chase each other through the playroom or around the kitchen island.
The morning that her baby brother was born, I had the beautiful privilege of getting her ready for the day and bringing her to the hospital to meet him. Now, as a toddler you can only be so prepared to meet your newborn roommate who is about to suck all of Mom and Dad’s attention away, but I wish you could have seen the love she had as she talked about him before she even met him. Unprompted, this girl could not wait to see the baby!
I fell in love with Freyja Rae the moment I first laid eyes on her, but somehow, watching her become an older sister made me fall even more in love. I can’t imagine my life without her, and after being with her 24-7 for a few days, I really struggled to leave her.
As the tears rolled down my cheeks, I began to think about all the other people I struggled to say a simple, “goodbye” to. It’s not often that I cry when I know I’ll see someone again, but I did when my mom and sister left me at my college dorm room for the first time. I did when we returned to the middle school parking lot after our 8th grade trip because my spirit knew high school was about to change my friendships. I cried when the family I’d been living with, left for vacation and I moved into my apartment for the first time. I used to cry in the airport every time I left my friends in Texas and Arkansas.
As I drove away from my niece on that warm October afternoon, tears spilling over my eyelids and down my cheeks, the edges of my lips slowly curved into a smile as I thought about how blessed I was to have people I loved so much, to have memories of a love that deep and wide that it was painful to say goodbyes. I definitely don’t appreciate that as often as I should.
I have access to some pretty spectacular, life changing, beautiful love. I love some really amazing people, that for some crazy reason love me back.
So I guess what I’ll leave you with is that maybe the really sad, painful thing you’re going through right now really is beautiful, or at least will be someday. I know that’s not easy to see in the middle of it all, but this isn’t the end of your story. If you’re still here, God still has His pen to paper. He’s still writing your name, making important plans for you. Sometimes I see that truth best through the people I love.
How crazy blessed are we that there are beautiful people who are worth loving and that see us as worthy of their love?
If no one has told you today,
Please never forget that
You are truly and deeply loved.
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