“I’ve already got her,” I heard God say as I snuggled my hour-old niece. Here I was, so worried that I hadn’t been praying enough throughout her birth, as if God wasn’t in control and planning the entire process. It all happened so quickly and in such beautiful, glorious, disgusting, chaos, that when I finally had Freyja in my arms, it was hard to tell where I was in time and space. Suddenly, nothing else in the world mattered. My sister was safe and comfortable and so was my brother-in-law. Now, I held this precious miracle in my hands that redefined my whole world. It was this sudden, powerful, hyper-focused tunnel of light. I could have watched her breath and listened to her tiny coos in that uncomfortable, gray-backed hospital chair for the rest of my existence.
It was all such a rush of emotion, that I virtually collapsed into my moms arms afterward. Not only was I on top of the world officially being an auntie and watching my sister officially accept the title of, “Mom,” I was also coming off of a round of shock like I had never experienced because my sister lost a lot of blood after Freyja appeared. I was in the delivery room with my sister when she was checked into the hospital the morning after she was induced, and I stayed in that room for the more than 12 hours it took for her to get through labor. I have always known my sister to be resilient. I have always known her to be strong. This was so much more than any of that. Any high expectation I had, she so naturally responded above and beyond! She handled child birth with such grace, peace, and grit. I thought I would need to work to keep her comfortable, but she was the one that brought calm into the room. Just like a couple of sisters who have been through all kinds of trauma and survived through our dark sense of humor, we belly laughed and giggled together all day, including in the short half hour she pushed.
Freyja Ray Mayle is now 7-months-old, and I couldn’t be more in love. Being with her is never enough time, especially since she is now old enough to babble, grab my face, and give me kisses. I know trauma and just being sisters has always brought my sister and I closer, but it really is such a blessing to feel and witness how much closer Freyja has brought us. I love spending time with my sister, and I just can’t picture my life without her. I really wish every pair of siblings could experience the relationship we share. Truly, we aren’t perfect. We have definitely upset one another or made things difficult for each other in the past, but we work on it because we are so important to one another, because she's the family I choose to keep. I would rather have tough and uncomfortable conversations with my sister all day than just lose touch. That’s way too big of a cost. That’s an active choice I make because I love her. Watching her choose to sacrificially love her family is so inspiring to me.
I know we throw the word, “love” around a lot in our world, but I prefer to always think of love as a verb and not a noun. Love means action. Because the truth is, some people, including me, are hard to love sometimes. I have to CHOOSE to love in multiple circumstances every single day. There are a lot of people that annoy me. There are a lot of people I don’t agree with. There have been many people that have made choices to hurt me. I try my absolute best to still choose to love them. Everyone. Always.
My friends, that is not easy. But to me, it’s important.
So much of my faith is rooted in what God says about love, what he demonstrates about love. Before you tune me out, if you’re not a Christian, I think this idea unites so many more of us than we realize. I think, if we are being honest with ourselves, we all want to love and be loved. I’m genuinely sorry in advance if you have ever been hurt by someone who claimed to follow Jesus, if that person chose not to love in a certain moment. I’ll be honest and remind both of us that even well meaning people mess up. There are also people in the world that don’t mean well. We all need grace.
I hold the controversial opinion that we should love the difficult to love people.
Now, we can have another conversation another time about healthy boundaries and how to take care of yourself while choosing to love those that are hard to love because that’s a lesson I’ll be working hard on learning my whole life. As long as we live in a flawed world with flawed people, I am going to struggle to love some people and I am going to be difficult to love at times.
However, none of that is an excuse not to work hard and try to be better. I always want to love better. That goes for my sister, and my niece who take up lots of space in my heart just by existing, and the stranger on the road who cut me off in traffic. I want to be better at loving them every single day.
Personally, I put a lot of stock in what Jesus says, and he’s quoted as saying, “But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you.” (Matthew 5:44) If God tells us to treat our enemies that way, man, do we have a lot of work to do because sometimes loving the people I see everyday, the people I actually like, can be challenging. I think we can all do better. And I think it’s our responsibility to be working on becoming better.
So much of the Gospel is rooted in love as an action. God gave up His one and only son, and that son, Jesus, willingly went to the cross on behalf of all people. Within that group of “all people” lives people who ridiculed and mocked Jesus, people who had committed horrible violence, thieves, gossipers, irritating in-laws, angry neighbors, me and you. God chose the most radical act of love for all people. He laid down his life for the world. It’s because of that unmeasurable, irrational, radical, indescribable love that I choose to not only believe in Jesus but to also practice what he preached. I want to exude a love like that: love that’s willing to lay its life down for a friend, a foe, an enemy, a stranger. So, I’ll keep chasing that.
My hurt feelings. My trauma. My inadequacies aren't a reason to not treat others well. I will sometimes because I am human, but I try to own up to those moments, and I keep striving to love better. If we all took that approach, I think we would have a much better world.
So who do you need to love better this week? There’s a really good chance that as you were reading this, someone came to your mind: a name, a face, a memory. That’s not a mistake. Send a text, make a phone call, start a conversation, apologize, work on forgiving or praying. Do something kind for a stranger. Bring your coworker their favorite coffee. Whatever the thing is that you’re thinking, go do it. Let’s love actively. Let’s make our world better.
You are so strong. You are so deeply loved.
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